Okay, they have a playmate. She is very friendly little girl only 1 month behind them. She loves to hug all kids smaller than her, which includes my girls. She only says one word at a time so they don't "talk", but that's okay. I just want them to start socializing with kids her own age.
This answers my question to my earlier post. There are singletons out there who share and take turns! Accompanied by a parent who enforces it! Yay!
Monday, September 21, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Playmates: for me or for them?
I've been taking my kids to various places ever since they started walking (10 months) every weekday when I pick them up. You would think that I would have come across 1 child that would be a great playmate for my children, but nope. I even took an ad on craigslist in hopes that someone would respond. So far, I don't have any takers. I have had some success with some children and parents from a gymnastics class that we took, but it's been hard trying coordinate playdates since we have different schedules. So far, I've had 2 different playdates but I would like something more consistent. These are the reasons why I think I haven't found a playmate for them yet:
1. Schedules. I am a full-time working mom. I work from 6ish to 2:30ish which means that I can usually pick the kids up by 3 and have them somewhere by 3:15 and then we usually stay their until 5. I know most parents have playdates in the morning and not the afternoon. as a result, I don't see alot of kids their age.
2. Location. There are several parks in the area, perhaps I'm not going to the right one at the right time to see them. Though I do have favorites and I figure that they would be popular as well.
3. Packs. Occasionally, I see one that is around their age. Unfortunately, they are either with another preordained partner or with older siblings which swarm around them creating a barrier.
4. Selective Sight. Or maybe it's me.
Maybe I see the right age group children, but immediately dismiss them because they don't match up to my standards. I am very judgemental of people in general, as in "I don't want to waste my time talking to someone who is not a positive influence on me or their environment." So I translate it to children and judge quickly on a child's behavior which, might not have any meaning at all since they are just children. Though I firmly believe that a child's behavior is directly attributed to parenting skills. So, indirectly, I judge the parent as well.
My children don't take things from another child's hand, look to me when they approach another's toy for permission, and don't crowd out other children (though they will do it to each other) when climbing. Is it too much to ask the same kind of behavior? Singletons are the worst ones at this and their parents usually let it happen. I know that singleton parents don't have to deal with this issue very much so maybe, they don't know what a deal it is for a parent of twins to witness it.
We always have to refereee property disputes so it is in our best interest to teach manners than to always put out a fight. I hate watching my little ones faces when a child just takes their toy right out of her hands. What can I do? I tell the child to give it back, but sometimes I'm not right there to help her (I do have another baby to look after, you know?).
To avoid seeing their little confused and hurt faces I must insist that the playmate knows how to share or at least has a parent willing to enforce it. Is this right? Singletons deal with this situation all the time, but it might be okay for them because they don't know any better; it would be consistent with what they are used to (I would say taught to do, but since they are alone I don't know how much teaching they have on the subject). Mine do, so if I let the bad sharing behavior continue it would be inconsistent with what I'm teaching them to do. Maybe its better if they don't have friends until later.
I still don't know if I'm approaching this playmate issue correctly? Is any playmate a good playmate, or should the playmate meet my sharing standards? I suppose I will know the answer once they get one. (Though I prefer twin playmates since the one playdate with the twins was immensely better than the one with the singleton.)
1. Schedules. I am a full-time working mom. I work from 6ish to 2:30ish which means that I can usually pick the kids up by 3 and have them somewhere by 3:15 and then we usually stay their until 5. I know most parents have playdates in the morning and not the afternoon. as a result, I don't see alot of kids their age.
2. Location. There are several parks in the area, perhaps I'm not going to the right one at the right time to see them. Though I do have favorites and I figure that they would be popular as well.
3. Packs. Occasionally, I see one that is around their age. Unfortunately, they are either with another preordained partner or with older siblings which swarm around them creating a barrier.
4. Selective Sight. Or maybe it's me.
Maybe I see the right age group children, but immediately dismiss them because they don't match up to my standards. I am very judgemental of people in general, as in "I don't want to waste my time talking to someone who is not a positive influence on me or their environment." So I translate it to children and judge quickly on a child's behavior which, might not have any meaning at all since they are just children. Though I firmly believe that a child's behavior is directly attributed to parenting skills. So, indirectly, I judge the parent as well.
My children don't take things from another child's hand, look to me when they approach another's toy for permission, and don't crowd out other children (though they will do it to each other) when climbing. Is it too much to ask the same kind of behavior? Singletons are the worst ones at this and their parents usually let it happen. I know that singleton parents don't have to deal with this issue very much so maybe, they don't know what a deal it is for a parent of twins to witness it.
We always have to refereee property disputes so it is in our best interest to teach manners than to always put out a fight. I hate watching my little ones faces when a child just takes their toy right out of her hands. What can I do? I tell the child to give it back, but sometimes I'm not right there to help her (I do have another baby to look after, you know?).
To avoid seeing their little confused and hurt faces I must insist that the playmate knows how to share or at least has a parent willing to enforce it. Is this right? Singletons deal with this situation all the time, but it might be okay for them because they don't know any better; it would be consistent with what they are used to (I would say taught to do, but since they are alone I don't know how much teaching they have on the subject). Mine do, so if I let the bad sharing behavior continue it would be inconsistent with what I'm teaching them to do. Maybe its better if they don't have friends until later.
I still don't know if I'm approaching this playmate issue correctly? Is any playmate a good playmate, or should the playmate meet my sharing standards? I suppose I will know the answer once they get one. (Though I prefer twin playmates since the one playdate with the twins was immensely better than the one with the singleton.)
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Bilingual vs Monolingual Talking Milestone
I just read an article by Lauran Neergaard, AP Medical Writer of the Associated press - Jul 21, 2009 called "Unraveling how children become bilingual so easily" link . It doesn't necessarily talk about how, but it has tested scientific data that shows that children can easily learn more than language at the same time that they learn just one. It also says that the best time is before they are 7.
I'm all for being bilingual, it's just too bad that I don't speak my native tongue fluently enough to pass it on to my girls.
Here are some excerpts from the article:
____
Time out — how do you test a baby? By tracking eye gaze. Make a fun toy appear on one side or the other whenever there's a particular sound. The baby quickly learns to look on that side whenever he or she hears a brand-new but similar sound. Noninvasive brain scans document how the brain is processing and imprinting language.
_____
It's remarkable that babies being raised bilingual — by simply speaking to them in two languages — can learn both in the time it takes most babies to learn one. On average, monolingual and bilingual babies start talking around age 1 and can say about 50 words by 18 months.
Italian researchers wondered why there wasn't a delay, and reported this month in the journal Science that being bilingual seems to make the brain more flexible.
The researchers tested 44 12-month-olds to see how they recognized three-syllable patterns — nonsense words, just to test sound learning. Sure enough, gaze-tracking showed the bilingual babies learned two kinds of patterns at the same time — like lo-ba-lo or lo-lo-ba — while the one-language babies learned only one, concluded Agnes Melinda Kovacs of Italy's International School for Advanced Studies.
While new language learning is easiest by age 7, the ability markedly declines after puberty.
________
What might help people who missed their childhood window? Baby brains need personal interaction to soak in a new language — TV or CDs alone don't work. So researchers are improving the technology that adults tend to use for language learning, to make it more social and possibly tap brain circuitry that tots would use.
________
I'm not too worried about my kids not having the extra ability of growing up speaking two languages. I do believe that it can be learned at a later time, it'll just be a little bit harder. If there was one language that I would like for them to learn, I think it would be chinese or maybe Hindi.
My children continue to amaze me with what they can learn and do already.
I'm all for being bilingual, it's just too bad that I don't speak my native tongue fluently enough to pass it on to my girls.
Here are some excerpts from the article:
____
Time out — how do you test a baby? By tracking eye gaze. Make a fun toy appear on one side or the other whenever there's a particular sound. The baby quickly learns to look on that side whenever he or she hears a brand-new but similar sound. Noninvasive brain scans document how the brain is processing and imprinting language.
_____
It's remarkable that babies being raised bilingual — by simply speaking to them in two languages — can learn both in the time it takes most babies to learn one. On average, monolingual and bilingual babies start talking around age 1 and can say about 50 words by 18 months.
Italian researchers wondered why there wasn't a delay, and reported this month in the journal Science that being bilingual seems to make the brain more flexible.
The researchers tested 44 12-month-olds to see how they recognized three-syllable patterns — nonsense words, just to test sound learning. Sure enough, gaze-tracking showed the bilingual babies learned two kinds of patterns at the same time — like lo-ba-lo or lo-lo-ba — while the one-language babies learned only one, concluded Agnes Melinda Kovacs of Italy's International School for Advanced Studies.
While new language learning is easiest by age 7, the ability markedly declines after puberty.
________
What might help people who missed their childhood window? Baby brains need personal interaction to soak in a new language — TV or CDs alone don't work. So researchers are improving the technology that adults tend to use for language learning, to make it more social and possibly tap brain circuitry that tots would use.
________
I'm not too worried about my kids not having the extra ability of growing up speaking two languages. I do believe that it can be learned at a later time, it'll just be a little bit harder. If there was one language that I would like for them to learn, I think it would be chinese or maybe Hindi.
My children continue to amaze me with what they can learn and do already.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Joan Friedman's book: Emotionally healthy twins
I posted a comment on http://www.hdydi.com/ that I thought I should post on my own blog.
I have read the book, "Emotionally Healthy Twins," and our twin club had the author come down to speak at our club meeting. I appreciated her perspective as both a parent of and a twin herself.
I have identical twins and am always concerned that we and ,more likely, others treat them as one unit. Right now, they call themselves by one name (we’re working on it).
People like to think they should have polarizing personalities; they say comments like, “It must be so neat to see their different personalies” when in reality they actually are quite similar for the most part. Which only reinforces the perception that they are the same. I prefer to think that they have “unique” personalities which is what Joan talked about. It’s the uniqueness of each twin that should be fostered and not necessarily their independence from each other. Their uniqueness can be brought out alongside of that their twin bond. One on one time is a way to obviously bring atttention to it, and keeping it “unfair and unequal” as the book talks about it is something to keep in mind. It’s a tricky thing trying to bring up 2 individuals who are so similiar physically and mentally, we can only hope to try to do our best and hope that it is enough.
I have read the book, "Emotionally Healthy Twins," and our twin club had the author come down to speak at our club meeting. I appreciated her perspective as both a parent of and a twin herself.
I have identical twins and am always concerned that we and ,more likely, others treat them as one unit. Right now, they call themselves by one name (we’re working on it).
People like to think they should have polarizing personalities; they say comments like, “It must be so neat to see their different personalies” when in reality they actually are quite similar for the most part. Which only reinforces the perception that they are the same. I prefer to think that they have “unique” personalities which is what Joan talked about. It’s the uniqueness of each twin that should be fostered and not necessarily their independence from each other. Their uniqueness can be brought out alongside of that their twin bond. One on one time is a way to obviously bring atttention to it, and keeping it “unfair and unequal” as the book talks about it is something to keep in mind. It’s a tricky thing trying to bring up 2 individuals who are so similiar physically and mentally, we can only hope to try to do our best and hope that it is enough.
22 months and going
It's been awhile since I blogged and I think that is a good thing. Too busy enjoying the girls! The girls are doing great; they both have a spoken vocabulary of over 175 words, behave well in public (most of the time), and I am enjoying taking them to places and doing things with them. I feel like a little bit of my freedom has been restored!
Just one unpleasent development has surfaced: tantrums. They both do the crying thing; E usually cries out for something (we don't give it to her when she is like that, of course) and P runs away somewhere and has her trantrum. E's can last 20 minutes with intense crying. P's are more frequent and usually tied to frustration, but shorter. My husband has her trained so if you tell her that, "If you want help just say please help" and then she stops crying and says, "please help." Haven't tried that yet, but sounds promising. What calms E down?....no consistent positive results right now. Ignoring them seems to work...as in, eventually it will stop.
Once I picked them up from daycare and E had been going on for 20 minutes. The daycare provider, L, advised me to just put them in the car and put her back in bed, but when I picked her up she calmed down after a few minutes and started behaving again. I don't know why that worked when all other times she just twists and cries.
Through all the tantrums I hold on to what other multiples moms have been telling me.."It gets better when they are three." Only 14 months to go.
Just one unpleasent development has surfaced: tantrums. They both do the crying thing; E usually cries out for something (we don't give it to her when she is like that, of course) and P runs away somewhere and has her trantrum. E's can last 20 minutes with intense crying. P's are more frequent and usually tied to frustration, but shorter. My husband has her trained so if you tell her that, "If you want help just say please help" and then she stops crying and says, "please help." Haven't tried that yet, but sounds promising. What calms E down?....no consistent positive results right now. Ignoring them seems to work...as in, eventually it will stop.
Once I picked them up from daycare and E had been going on for 20 minutes. The daycare provider, L, advised me to just put them in the car and put her back in bed, but when I picked her up she calmed down after a few minutes and started behaving again. I don't know why that worked when all other times she just twists and cries.
Through all the tantrums I hold on to what other multiples moms have been telling me.."It gets better when they are three." Only 14 months to go.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Motherhood is a privilege
There has been a recent media frenzy over the "Octo-Mom" Nadya Suleman. It intensifies the not-so-recent development of children wanting to obtain "Mothership." Mothership, as opposed to Motherhood, applies to people who desire children to fulfill their own emotional needs, rather than the other way around. This is entirely selfish. Motherhood applies to the development of their children for their rest of their lives which includes looking after their children's emotional, educational, and economical needs. I can understand the Mothership point of view though, having someone (or two someone's) being completely dependent on you for everything empowers you to rise above the pain and meet the basic human needs for survival. Once their basic needs or food, sleep, and diaperchanging is done though, a Mothership Mother is unsuitable for filling their child's needs.
Once Mothership is obtained what is next for the "mothers"? In Nadya's case, 6 babies didn't fill her need so she had to have at least one more. Who's to say that having 14 babies is enough? For those other Mothership mothers, what happens when their baby is no longer a baby? Will he/she have the skills to become a productive member of society? Where will he/she have learned these skills? Or will they only have the skills as their mother did and procreate?
I'm not sure where it started, but the taboo of being a single mother bearing children is weakening. Celebrities, young and mature, are having children (Ashley Simpson, Britney, ...) There are also seem to be alot of celebrities in the news having multiple children (Dennis Quaid, Marcia Cross, Jennifer Lopez, Molly Ringwald..). This may be liking upping the ante, but nonetheless bearing children is seen as instant celebrity status and happiness.
Once Mothership is obtained what is next for the "mothers"? In Nadya's case, 6 babies didn't fill her need so she had to have at least one more. Who's to say that having 14 babies is enough? For those other Mothership mothers, what happens when their baby is no longer a baby? Will he/she have the skills to become a productive member of society? Where will he/she have learned these skills? Or will they only have the skills as their mother did and procreate?
I'm not sure where it started, but the taboo of being a single mother bearing children is weakening. Celebrities, young and mature, are having children (Ashley Simpson, Britney, ...) There are also seem to be alot of celebrities in the news having multiple children (Dennis Quaid, Marcia Cross, Jennifer Lopez, Molly Ringwald..). This may be liking upping the ante, but nonetheless bearing children is seen as instant celebrity status and happiness.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Second Wind
I no longer feel overwhelmed and tired! I feel that I must be getting my second wind. It's possible that the counselor did help in reintroducing the idea of modifying our work schedule. Now that I know that my husband will be coming home earlier, like around dinner time, has eased my anxiety.
When I am work I really look forward to picking them up! Even though P has gotten very cranky lately. She barely talks at all too. I am a bit worried about her. E, on the other hand, is all smiles, and babbles constantly. She is very energetic.
When I am work I really look forward to picking them up! Even though P has gotten very cranky lately. She barely talks at all too. I am a bit worried about her. E, on the other hand, is all smiles, and babbles constantly. She is very energetic.
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