Thursday, July 23, 2009

Playmates: for me or for them?

I've been taking my kids to various places ever since they started walking (10 months) every weekday when I pick them up. You would think that I would have come across 1 child that would be a great playmate for my children, but nope. I even took an ad on craigslist in hopes that someone would respond. So far, I don't have any takers. I have had some success with some children and parents from a gymnastics class that we took, but it's been hard trying coordinate playdates since we have different schedules. So far, I've had 2 different playdates but I would like something more consistent. These are the reasons why I think I haven't found a playmate for them yet:

1. Schedules. I am a full-time working mom. I work from 6ish to 2:30ish which means that I can usually pick the kids up by 3 and have them somewhere by 3:15 and then we usually stay their until 5. I know most parents have playdates in the morning and not the afternoon. as a result, I don't see alot of kids their age.
2. Location. There are several parks in the area, perhaps I'm not going to the right one at the right time to see them. Though I do have favorites and I figure that they would be popular as well.
3. Packs. Occasionally, I see one that is around their age. Unfortunately, they are either with another preordained partner or with older siblings which swarm around them creating a barrier.
4. Selective Sight. Or maybe it's me.

Maybe I see the right age group children, but immediately dismiss them because they don't match up to my standards. I am very judgemental of people in general, as in "I don't want to waste my time talking to someone who is not a positive influence on me or their environment." So I translate it to children and judge quickly on a child's behavior which, might not have any meaning at all since they are just children. Though I firmly believe that a child's behavior is directly attributed to parenting skills. So, indirectly, I judge the parent as well.

My children don't take things from another child's hand, look to me when they approach another's toy for permission, and don't crowd out other children (though they will do it to each other) when climbing. Is it too much to ask the same kind of behavior? Singletons are the worst ones at this and their parents usually let it happen. I know that singleton parents don't have to deal with this issue very much so maybe, they don't know what a deal it is for a parent of twins to witness it.

We always have to refereee property disputes so it is in our best interest to teach manners than to always put out a fight. I hate watching my little ones faces when a child just takes their toy right out of her hands. What can I do? I tell the child to give it back, but sometimes I'm not right there to help her (I do have another baby to look after, you know?).

To avoid seeing their little confused and hurt faces I must insist that the playmate knows how to share or at least has a parent willing to enforce it. Is this right? Singletons deal with this situation all the time, but it might be okay for them because they don't know any better; it would be consistent with what they are used to (I would say taught to do, but since they are alone I don't know how much teaching they have on the subject). Mine do, so if I let the bad sharing behavior continue it would be inconsistent with what I'm teaching them to do. Maybe its better if they don't have friends until later.

I still don't know if I'm approaching this playmate issue correctly? Is any playmate a good playmate, or should the playmate meet my sharing standards? I suppose I will know the answer once they get one. (Though I prefer twin playmates since the one playdate with the twins was immensely better than the one with the singleton.)

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