Okay, they have a playmate. She is very friendly little girl only 1 month behind them. She loves to hug all kids smaller than her, which includes my girls. She only says one word at a time so they don't "talk", but that's okay. I just want them to start socializing with kids her own age.
This answers my question to my earlier post. There are singletons out there who share and take turns! Accompanied by a parent who enforces it! Yay!
Monday, September 21, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Playmates: for me or for them?
I've been taking my kids to various places ever since they started walking (10 months) every weekday when I pick them up. You would think that I would have come across 1 child that would be a great playmate for my children, but nope. I even took an ad on craigslist in hopes that someone would respond. So far, I don't have any takers. I have had some success with some children and parents from a gymnastics class that we took, but it's been hard trying coordinate playdates since we have different schedules. So far, I've had 2 different playdates but I would like something more consistent. These are the reasons why I think I haven't found a playmate for them yet:
1. Schedules. I am a full-time working mom. I work from 6ish to 2:30ish which means that I can usually pick the kids up by 3 and have them somewhere by 3:15 and then we usually stay their until 5. I know most parents have playdates in the morning and not the afternoon. as a result, I don't see alot of kids their age.
2. Location. There are several parks in the area, perhaps I'm not going to the right one at the right time to see them. Though I do have favorites and I figure that they would be popular as well.
3. Packs. Occasionally, I see one that is around their age. Unfortunately, they are either with another preordained partner or with older siblings which swarm around them creating a barrier.
4. Selective Sight. Or maybe it's me.
Maybe I see the right age group children, but immediately dismiss them because they don't match up to my standards. I am very judgemental of people in general, as in "I don't want to waste my time talking to someone who is not a positive influence on me or their environment." So I translate it to children and judge quickly on a child's behavior which, might not have any meaning at all since they are just children. Though I firmly believe that a child's behavior is directly attributed to parenting skills. So, indirectly, I judge the parent as well.
My children don't take things from another child's hand, look to me when they approach another's toy for permission, and don't crowd out other children (though they will do it to each other) when climbing. Is it too much to ask the same kind of behavior? Singletons are the worst ones at this and their parents usually let it happen. I know that singleton parents don't have to deal with this issue very much so maybe, they don't know what a deal it is for a parent of twins to witness it.
We always have to refereee property disputes so it is in our best interest to teach manners than to always put out a fight. I hate watching my little ones faces when a child just takes their toy right out of her hands. What can I do? I tell the child to give it back, but sometimes I'm not right there to help her (I do have another baby to look after, you know?).
To avoid seeing their little confused and hurt faces I must insist that the playmate knows how to share or at least has a parent willing to enforce it. Is this right? Singletons deal with this situation all the time, but it might be okay for them because they don't know any better; it would be consistent with what they are used to (I would say taught to do, but since they are alone I don't know how much teaching they have on the subject). Mine do, so if I let the bad sharing behavior continue it would be inconsistent with what I'm teaching them to do. Maybe its better if they don't have friends until later.
I still don't know if I'm approaching this playmate issue correctly? Is any playmate a good playmate, or should the playmate meet my sharing standards? I suppose I will know the answer once they get one. (Though I prefer twin playmates since the one playdate with the twins was immensely better than the one with the singleton.)
1. Schedules. I am a full-time working mom. I work from 6ish to 2:30ish which means that I can usually pick the kids up by 3 and have them somewhere by 3:15 and then we usually stay their until 5. I know most parents have playdates in the morning and not the afternoon. as a result, I don't see alot of kids their age.
2. Location. There are several parks in the area, perhaps I'm not going to the right one at the right time to see them. Though I do have favorites and I figure that they would be popular as well.
3. Packs. Occasionally, I see one that is around their age. Unfortunately, they are either with another preordained partner or with older siblings which swarm around them creating a barrier.
4. Selective Sight. Or maybe it's me.
Maybe I see the right age group children, but immediately dismiss them because they don't match up to my standards. I am very judgemental of people in general, as in "I don't want to waste my time talking to someone who is not a positive influence on me or their environment." So I translate it to children and judge quickly on a child's behavior which, might not have any meaning at all since they are just children. Though I firmly believe that a child's behavior is directly attributed to parenting skills. So, indirectly, I judge the parent as well.
My children don't take things from another child's hand, look to me when they approach another's toy for permission, and don't crowd out other children (though they will do it to each other) when climbing. Is it too much to ask the same kind of behavior? Singletons are the worst ones at this and their parents usually let it happen. I know that singleton parents don't have to deal with this issue very much so maybe, they don't know what a deal it is for a parent of twins to witness it.
We always have to refereee property disputes so it is in our best interest to teach manners than to always put out a fight. I hate watching my little ones faces when a child just takes their toy right out of her hands. What can I do? I tell the child to give it back, but sometimes I'm not right there to help her (I do have another baby to look after, you know?).
To avoid seeing their little confused and hurt faces I must insist that the playmate knows how to share or at least has a parent willing to enforce it. Is this right? Singletons deal with this situation all the time, but it might be okay for them because they don't know any better; it would be consistent with what they are used to (I would say taught to do, but since they are alone I don't know how much teaching they have on the subject). Mine do, so if I let the bad sharing behavior continue it would be inconsistent with what I'm teaching them to do. Maybe its better if they don't have friends until later.
I still don't know if I'm approaching this playmate issue correctly? Is any playmate a good playmate, or should the playmate meet my sharing standards? I suppose I will know the answer once they get one. (Though I prefer twin playmates since the one playdate with the twins was immensely better than the one with the singleton.)
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Bilingual vs Monolingual Talking Milestone
I just read an article by Lauran Neergaard, AP Medical Writer of the Associated press - Jul 21, 2009 called "Unraveling how children become bilingual so easily" link . It doesn't necessarily talk about how, but it has tested scientific data that shows that children can easily learn more than language at the same time that they learn just one. It also says that the best time is before they are 7.
I'm all for being bilingual, it's just too bad that I don't speak my native tongue fluently enough to pass it on to my girls.
Here are some excerpts from the article:
____
Time out — how do you test a baby? By tracking eye gaze. Make a fun toy appear on one side or the other whenever there's a particular sound. The baby quickly learns to look on that side whenever he or she hears a brand-new but similar sound. Noninvasive brain scans document how the brain is processing and imprinting language.
_____
It's remarkable that babies being raised bilingual — by simply speaking to them in two languages — can learn both in the time it takes most babies to learn one. On average, monolingual and bilingual babies start talking around age 1 and can say about 50 words by 18 months.
Italian researchers wondered why there wasn't a delay, and reported this month in the journal Science that being bilingual seems to make the brain more flexible.
The researchers tested 44 12-month-olds to see how they recognized three-syllable patterns — nonsense words, just to test sound learning. Sure enough, gaze-tracking showed the bilingual babies learned two kinds of patterns at the same time — like lo-ba-lo or lo-lo-ba — while the one-language babies learned only one, concluded Agnes Melinda Kovacs of Italy's International School for Advanced Studies.
While new language learning is easiest by age 7, the ability markedly declines after puberty.
________
What might help people who missed their childhood window? Baby brains need personal interaction to soak in a new language — TV or CDs alone don't work. So researchers are improving the technology that adults tend to use for language learning, to make it more social and possibly tap brain circuitry that tots would use.
________
I'm not too worried about my kids not having the extra ability of growing up speaking two languages. I do believe that it can be learned at a later time, it'll just be a little bit harder. If there was one language that I would like for them to learn, I think it would be chinese or maybe Hindi.
My children continue to amaze me with what they can learn and do already.
I'm all for being bilingual, it's just too bad that I don't speak my native tongue fluently enough to pass it on to my girls.
Here are some excerpts from the article:
____
Time out — how do you test a baby? By tracking eye gaze. Make a fun toy appear on one side or the other whenever there's a particular sound. The baby quickly learns to look on that side whenever he or she hears a brand-new but similar sound. Noninvasive brain scans document how the brain is processing and imprinting language.
_____
It's remarkable that babies being raised bilingual — by simply speaking to them in two languages — can learn both in the time it takes most babies to learn one. On average, monolingual and bilingual babies start talking around age 1 and can say about 50 words by 18 months.
Italian researchers wondered why there wasn't a delay, and reported this month in the journal Science that being bilingual seems to make the brain more flexible.
The researchers tested 44 12-month-olds to see how they recognized three-syllable patterns — nonsense words, just to test sound learning. Sure enough, gaze-tracking showed the bilingual babies learned two kinds of patterns at the same time — like lo-ba-lo or lo-lo-ba — while the one-language babies learned only one, concluded Agnes Melinda Kovacs of Italy's International School for Advanced Studies.
While new language learning is easiest by age 7, the ability markedly declines after puberty.
________
What might help people who missed their childhood window? Baby brains need personal interaction to soak in a new language — TV or CDs alone don't work. So researchers are improving the technology that adults tend to use for language learning, to make it more social and possibly tap brain circuitry that tots would use.
________
I'm not too worried about my kids not having the extra ability of growing up speaking two languages. I do believe that it can be learned at a later time, it'll just be a little bit harder. If there was one language that I would like for them to learn, I think it would be chinese or maybe Hindi.
My children continue to amaze me with what they can learn and do already.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Joan Friedman's book: Emotionally healthy twins
I posted a comment on http://www.hdydi.com/ that I thought I should post on my own blog.
I have read the book, "Emotionally Healthy Twins," and our twin club had the author come down to speak at our club meeting. I appreciated her perspective as both a parent of and a twin herself.
I have identical twins and am always concerned that we and ,more likely, others treat them as one unit. Right now, they call themselves by one name (we’re working on it).
People like to think they should have polarizing personalities; they say comments like, “It must be so neat to see their different personalies” when in reality they actually are quite similar for the most part. Which only reinforces the perception that they are the same. I prefer to think that they have “unique” personalities which is what Joan talked about. It’s the uniqueness of each twin that should be fostered and not necessarily their independence from each other. Their uniqueness can be brought out alongside of that their twin bond. One on one time is a way to obviously bring atttention to it, and keeping it “unfair and unequal” as the book talks about it is something to keep in mind. It’s a tricky thing trying to bring up 2 individuals who are so similiar physically and mentally, we can only hope to try to do our best and hope that it is enough.
I have read the book, "Emotionally Healthy Twins," and our twin club had the author come down to speak at our club meeting. I appreciated her perspective as both a parent of and a twin herself.
I have identical twins and am always concerned that we and ,more likely, others treat them as one unit. Right now, they call themselves by one name (we’re working on it).
People like to think they should have polarizing personalities; they say comments like, “It must be so neat to see their different personalies” when in reality they actually are quite similar for the most part. Which only reinforces the perception that they are the same. I prefer to think that they have “unique” personalities which is what Joan talked about. It’s the uniqueness of each twin that should be fostered and not necessarily their independence from each other. Their uniqueness can be brought out alongside of that their twin bond. One on one time is a way to obviously bring atttention to it, and keeping it “unfair and unequal” as the book talks about it is something to keep in mind. It’s a tricky thing trying to bring up 2 individuals who are so similiar physically and mentally, we can only hope to try to do our best and hope that it is enough.
22 months and going
It's been awhile since I blogged and I think that is a good thing. Too busy enjoying the girls! The girls are doing great; they both have a spoken vocabulary of over 175 words, behave well in public (most of the time), and I am enjoying taking them to places and doing things with them. I feel like a little bit of my freedom has been restored!
Just one unpleasent development has surfaced: tantrums. They both do the crying thing; E usually cries out for something (we don't give it to her when she is like that, of course) and P runs away somewhere and has her trantrum. E's can last 20 minutes with intense crying. P's are more frequent and usually tied to frustration, but shorter. My husband has her trained so if you tell her that, "If you want help just say please help" and then she stops crying and says, "please help." Haven't tried that yet, but sounds promising. What calms E down?....no consistent positive results right now. Ignoring them seems to work...as in, eventually it will stop.
Once I picked them up from daycare and E had been going on for 20 minutes. The daycare provider, L, advised me to just put them in the car and put her back in bed, but when I picked her up she calmed down after a few minutes and started behaving again. I don't know why that worked when all other times she just twists and cries.
Through all the tantrums I hold on to what other multiples moms have been telling me.."It gets better when they are three." Only 14 months to go.
Just one unpleasent development has surfaced: tantrums. They both do the crying thing; E usually cries out for something (we don't give it to her when she is like that, of course) and P runs away somewhere and has her trantrum. E's can last 20 minutes with intense crying. P's are more frequent and usually tied to frustration, but shorter. My husband has her trained so if you tell her that, "If you want help just say please help" and then she stops crying and says, "please help." Haven't tried that yet, but sounds promising. What calms E down?....no consistent positive results right now. Ignoring them seems to work...as in, eventually it will stop.
Once I picked them up from daycare and E had been going on for 20 minutes. The daycare provider, L, advised me to just put them in the car and put her back in bed, but when I picked her up she calmed down after a few minutes and started behaving again. I don't know why that worked when all other times she just twists and cries.
Through all the tantrums I hold on to what other multiples moms have been telling me.."It gets better when they are three." Only 14 months to go.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Motherhood is a privilege
There has been a recent media frenzy over the "Octo-Mom" Nadya Suleman. It intensifies the not-so-recent development of children wanting to obtain "Mothership." Mothership, as opposed to Motherhood, applies to people who desire children to fulfill their own emotional needs, rather than the other way around. This is entirely selfish. Motherhood applies to the development of their children for their rest of their lives which includes looking after their children's emotional, educational, and economical needs. I can understand the Mothership point of view though, having someone (or two someone's) being completely dependent on you for everything empowers you to rise above the pain and meet the basic human needs for survival. Once their basic needs or food, sleep, and diaperchanging is done though, a Mothership Mother is unsuitable for filling their child's needs.
Once Mothership is obtained what is next for the "mothers"? In Nadya's case, 6 babies didn't fill her need so she had to have at least one more. Who's to say that having 14 babies is enough? For those other Mothership mothers, what happens when their baby is no longer a baby? Will he/she have the skills to become a productive member of society? Where will he/she have learned these skills? Or will they only have the skills as their mother did and procreate?
I'm not sure where it started, but the taboo of being a single mother bearing children is weakening. Celebrities, young and mature, are having children (Ashley Simpson, Britney, ...) There are also seem to be alot of celebrities in the news having multiple children (Dennis Quaid, Marcia Cross, Jennifer Lopez, Molly Ringwald..). This may be liking upping the ante, but nonetheless bearing children is seen as instant celebrity status and happiness.
Once Mothership is obtained what is next for the "mothers"? In Nadya's case, 6 babies didn't fill her need so she had to have at least one more. Who's to say that having 14 babies is enough? For those other Mothership mothers, what happens when their baby is no longer a baby? Will he/she have the skills to become a productive member of society? Where will he/she have learned these skills? Or will they only have the skills as their mother did and procreate?
I'm not sure where it started, but the taboo of being a single mother bearing children is weakening. Celebrities, young and mature, are having children (Ashley Simpson, Britney, ...) There are also seem to be alot of celebrities in the news having multiple children (Dennis Quaid, Marcia Cross, Jennifer Lopez, Molly Ringwald..). This may be liking upping the ante, but nonetheless bearing children is seen as instant celebrity status and happiness.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Second Wind
I no longer feel overwhelmed and tired! I feel that I must be getting my second wind. It's possible that the counselor did help in reintroducing the idea of modifying our work schedule. Now that I know that my husband will be coming home earlier, like around dinner time, has eased my anxiety.
When I am work I really look forward to picking them up! Even though P has gotten very cranky lately. She barely talks at all too. I am a bit worried about her. E, on the other hand, is all smiles, and babbles constantly. She is very energetic.
When I am work I really look forward to picking them up! Even though P has gotten very cranky lately. She barely talks at all too. I am a bit worried about her. E, on the other hand, is all smiles, and babbles constantly. She is very energetic.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Status Update
Update on the results of the counselor's suggestions:
The putting one twin in a playard while I only had to feed one of them didn't work out because they are both hungry at the same time! Plus, it would have the same problem as I had when feeding them as infants; feeding becomes a timesuck.
Keeping one by the car while I put one in the carseat. Its a hit or miss, but so far I either body block them or I just put them in the car and tell them not to go too far.
Some things that are working out are: Having a basket for 5 days of the week to keep a variety of toys, having them clean up their toys before they go to bed, having them carry their bag from the daycare to the car, letting them help empty the dishwasher, and doing other things so they feel they are part of the process and that they have more control over things.
We fired the counselor, she helped with basic parenting tips, but she certainly does not understand twin stress. I tied explaining the guilt part, but she downplayed it and gave some analogies that were way off.
The putting one twin in a playard while I only had to feed one of them didn't work out because they are both hungry at the same time! Plus, it would have the same problem as I had when feeding them as infants; feeding becomes a timesuck.
Keeping one by the car while I put one in the carseat. Its a hit or miss, but so far I either body block them or I just put them in the car and tell them not to go too far.
Some things that are working out are: Having a basket for 5 days of the week to keep a variety of toys, having them clean up their toys before they go to bed, having them carry their bag from the daycare to the car, letting them help empty the dishwasher, and doing other things so they feel they are part of the process and that they have more control over things.
We fired the counselor, she helped with basic parenting tips, but she certainly does not understand twin stress. I tied explaining the guilt part, but she downplayed it and gave some analogies that were way off.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Guilty on All counts
I think guilt is at the heart of multiple stress.
1. I feel guilty because I can't give my first born children the individual attention that they deserve.
2. I feel guilty because I am envious of all those singleton parents because they can.
3. I feel so envious to the point of hatred. I hate them for something they can't control which makes me feeling guilty for that.
4. At some points when I am most stressed I feel something that makes me feel the most guilty; I feel victimized.
Count 1 is the most encompassing of the guilty counts. It exists all the time. Very rarely can I give them 5 minutes of individual attention (which studies relatedto twins developing language later than singletons). I accept this as normal for twins and there is very little I can do without my husband home to handle the other one.
Count 2: I know there are some people who struggle trying to get just one baby and that they are envious of someone like me who gets 2 on the first try, but I don't compare myselves to them. I compare myself to other first time parents, and I envy/hate them because their life is sooo much easier (quote from other twin moms who had a singleton as well) and they have no idea what struggles they don't have to deal with.
I know each person's troubles are their own, so they feel like that they do feel stress so I don't belittle their perception of their struggles. I feel like they are belittling mine though, when people make flippant comments. You know the ones.."double trouble", "oh, you have your hands full"...It just doesn't imbue the gravity of the situation. I just might be sensitive of them right now, because the pain is all too real for me. My husband is objective about them so I made it clear to him that he should deal with all of those remarks/questions. Little remarks like those just put me on edge. It's the reason why multiple moms only stop to talk to other multiple moms and pretty much ignore the rest.
Which brings us to Count 3. I now have a first instinct to hate all singleton parents. Which causes me to isolate and hang back from connecting to the parents who show up at Gymboree. I see them focusing on their one child; helping them up the slides, helping them when they need them, encouraging them to do something. All of which I am unable to do; one is in one place while the other is somewhere else. As a twin mom, you encourage your twins to be apart from one another and do their own thing as much as possible so this is good/bad for them. It's good that they are doing their own thing, but bad because you can't back them up or instruct them safely in case they are doing something dangerous which is most of the time when they are learning to be toddlers (climb/slide/etc. ). I even see both parents there and when one is with the child, the other has the camera. Something my husband and I are very jealous of. Everything about them makes me jealous, which I turn into hate because there is nothing I can do about achieving the same luxuries that they have with their child. I'm sure the hatred will subside once this most stressful time passes which, I hear. is when they turn 3.
Count 4: This is something I think only multiple moms who have identicals might feel. Though I think moms who didn't go through fertility treatments might feel it too.
It is a very complicated process to create a baby, it's the closest thing to a true miracle that I can think of, and having more than 1 is even more miraculous. There is a genetic component that predispositions some to having twins, but so far the mystery for having identicals has not been solved. The probability for having identical twins is the same throughout every race and location; 3/1000. Very rare, so I have no idea why I would be so lucky to have them. Why me?
Why me? A blessing to be sure, but at times of stress; a curse? I know that twins are rare, I know that identical twins are even more rare case so I sometimes have the feelings that I am alone, that noone understands my struggles, and IT'S NOT FAIR! I didn't ask for multiples. At least those who did fertiility treatments did it on purpose; they have taken responsibility for their actions, so to speak. Not me, I didn't ask for additional struggle. WHY ME?
Why me? Science has no answer for me yet. It doesn't say that its because of something that I did, it doesn't have an answer. The ones who have a genetic disposition also have their answer as to why they are the lucky ones who get more than one baby, but not the ones who have identicals. I don't know why I'm one of the ones who get more than one baby at a time.
A times of stress, I look for the cause and right now I don't know the cause. I don't know why I have two instead of one. Did I break some kind of rule? Or did I play the game in a way that got me two? I don't know! So for now I just get frustrated and think; IT'S NOT FAIR. Why can't I do the things that other first time parents can for their child? Why can't I have the luxury on focusing on one? WHY ME?
This feeling doesn't last very long. It's like a needle prick; acute but fleeting pain.
I have a saying that I like to keep, "God doesn't give us more than we can handle." It has always helped me get hard things done and I keep it with me for this as well.
I don't know if God can help me with the guilt, but I know that I am guilty on all counts.
1. I feel guilty because I can't give my first born children the individual attention that they deserve.
2. I feel guilty because I am envious of all those singleton parents because they can.
3. I feel so envious to the point of hatred. I hate them for something they can't control which makes me feeling guilty for that.
4. At some points when I am most stressed I feel something that makes me feel the most guilty; I feel victimized.
Count 1 is the most encompassing of the guilty counts. It exists all the time. Very rarely can I give them 5 minutes of individual attention (which studies relatedto twins developing language later than singletons). I accept this as normal for twins and there is very little I can do without my husband home to handle the other one.
Count 2: I know there are some people who struggle trying to get just one baby and that they are envious of someone like me who gets 2 on the first try, but I don't compare myselves to them. I compare myself to other first time parents, and I envy/hate them because their life is sooo much easier (quote from other twin moms who had a singleton as well) and they have no idea what struggles they don't have to deal with.
I know each person's troubles are their own, so they feel like that they do feel stress so I don't belittle their perception of their struggles. I feel like they are belittling mine though, when people make flippant comments. You know the ones.."double trouble", "oh, you have your hands full"...It just doesn't imbue the gravity of the situation. I just might be sensitive of them right now, because the pain is all too real for me. My husband is objective about them so I made it clear to him that he should deal with all of those remarks/questions. Little remarks like those just put me on edge. It's the reason why multiple moms only stop to talk to other multiple moms and pretty much ignore the rest.
Which brings us to Count 3. I now have a first instinct to hate all singleton parents. Which causes me to isolate and hang back from connecting to the parents who show up at Gymboree. I see them focusing on their one child; helping them up the slides, helping them when they need them, encouraging them to do something. All of which I am unable to do; one is in one place while the other is somewhere else. As a twin mom, you encourage your twins to be apart from one another and do their own thing as much as possible so this is good/bad for them. It's good that they are doing their own thing, but bad because you can't back them up or instruct them safely in case they are doing something dangerous which is most of the time when they are learning to be toddlers (climb/slide/etc. ). I even see both parents there and when one is with the child, the other has the camera. Something my husband and I are very jealous of. Everything about them makes me jealous, which I turn into hate because there is nothing I can do about achieving the same luxuries that they have with their child. I'm sure the hatred will subside once this most stressful time passes which, I hear. is when they turn 3.
Count 4: This is something I think only multiple moms who have identicals might feel. Though I think moms who didn't go through fertility treatments might feel it too.
It is a very complicated process to create a baby, it's the closest thing to a true miracle that I can think of, and having more than 1 is even more miraculous. There is a genetic component that predispositions some to having twins, but so far the mystery for having identicals has not been solved. The probability for having identical twins is the same throughout every race and location; 3/1000. Very rare, so I have no idea why I would be so lucky to have them. Why me?
Why me? A blessing to be sure, but at times of stress; a curse? I know that twins are rare, I know that identical twins are even more rare case so I sometimes have the feelings that I am alone, that noone understands my struggles, and IT'S NOT FAIR! I didn't ask for multiples. At least those who did fertiility treatments did it on purpose; they have taken responsibility for their actions, so to speak. Not me, I didn't ask for additional struggle. WHY ME?
Why me? Science has no answer for me yet. It doesn't say that its because of something that I did, it doesn't have an answer. The ones who have a genetic disposition also have their answer as to why they are the lucky ones who get more than one baby, but not the ones who have identicals. I don't know why I'm one of the ones who get more than one baby at a time.
A times of stress, I look for the cause and right now I don't know the cause. I don't know why I have two instead of one. Did I break some kind of rule? Or did I play the game in a way that got me two? I don't know! So for now I just get frustrated and think; IT'S NOT FAIR. Why can't I do the things that other first time parents can for their child? Why can't I have the luxury on focusing on one? WHY ME?
This feeling doesn't last very long. It's like a needle prick; acute but fleeting pain.
I have a saying that I like to keep, "God doesn't give us more than we can handle." It has always helped me get hard things done and I keep it with me for this as well.
I don't know if God can help me with the guilt, but I know that I am guilty on all counts.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Breaking the Feeding Pattern
My husband and I meet with a counselor to deal with parenting stress. Her goal is make my day as stress free as possible. Before the holiday break, I was having issues with dinner time. I don't know why exactly, since the moment has not repeated itself in these past 2 weeks. I was trying to explain what exactly was causing the stress, but I couldn't. She was thinking that I was trying to have them do something (she offered and example of getting ready to go somewhere), but that's not it. I tried saying that its not what I'm doing to them, it's what they are doing to me. If you are a twin mom reading this, then I am sure you know what I mean. The counselor is not a twin mom so she didn't follow my thinking, but she did understand that I was feeling overwhelmed. She then proposed something that would never have occurred to me; seperating them at dinner time.
Seperating them during feeding time! From the moment they were born, it has proven that feeding them at the same time is the only way to go. Otherwise, you are left with no sleep at all and you'll be in an endless feeding cycle. Even after the feeding intervals space out to longer than 2 hours, it is easier to get them on the same feeding schedule. The thought of seperating them during feeding time is shocking.
The suggestion has merit and would allow me to accomplish two things; give one twin individual attention (specifically be able to focus on one baby while they figure out how to use utensils and not getting food on their hair), and give one twin a non-twin/individual experience. Things that really never happen, but is what all parents of multiple children (not just twins, triplets, etc) strive for. On rare occasions one twin will be asleep while the other one is awake and that is nice and simple.
Only one problem: how to occupy the other child while the other one is eating? She suggested putting one in a playyard with a toy or put on a DVD. We are wary about exposing them to TV, but we are willing to give it a try. I was thinking of just dumping a bunch of balls in the playyard and then throw it about, but that might make a mess. But they might enjoy putting the balls away. We'll see...
Seperating them during feeding time! From the moment they were born, it has proven that feeding them at the same time is the only way to go. Otherwise, you are left with no sleep at all and you'll be in an endless feeding cycle. Even after the feeding intervals space out to longer than 2 hours, it is easier to get them on the same feeding schedule. The thought of seperating them during feeding time is shocking.
The suggestion has merit and would allow me to accomplish two things; give one twin individual attention (specifically be able to focus on one baby while they figure out how to use utensils and not getting food on their hair), and give one twin a non-twin/individual experience. Things that really never happen, but is what all parents of multiple children (not just twins, triplets, etc) strive for. On rare occasions one twin will be asleep while the other one is awake and that is nice and simple.
Only one problem: how to occupy the other child while the other one is eating? She suggested putting one in a playyard with a toy or put on a DVD. We are wary about exposing them to TV, but we are willing to give it a try. I was thinking of just dumping a bunch of balls in the playyard and then throw it about, but that might make a mess. But they might enjoy putting the balls away. We'll see...
Monday, January 5, 2009
P the Moocher
Mooching has become an issue during cleanup/last bottle time. Cleanup time is where they put away their pots and pans in the play kitchen and put their toys in the basket before getting their bottle at the end of the day. E immediately begins cleaning up, while P hangs about and whines. Consequently, E does 99% of the work and then P still gets the bottle because we end up placing her down and handing her a toy to put away in the basket next to her. Not fair!
We just started this so hopefully enforcing it longer will let P get the hang of it. P has gotten the hang of helping put away dishes from the dishwasher so there is hope!
Friday, January 2, 2009
Phase 2 of Twin Parenting
My identical twin girls, P and E, are now 15 months old and I have held out on creating a blog until now. There is no question that the first year of parenting twins is TOUGH, and now I think I am entering the second phase of Twin Tough Parenting; Teaching them how to interact with you and others. The topic of which I find lacking on the internet. The Mother of Multiples club that I am in helps alot, but everyone's situation is still a little different. If anyone has tips, please let me know. So, I am posting this for my sake and others.
You know that iconic twin symbol of a mother with two toddlers in each hand pulling the mother every which way? Well, that was me a few weeks ago. I was leaving Gymboree and trying to get them to walk with me back to the car. (They were early walkers). After a bit of a struggle (it was really quite comical to onlookers) I kneeled and trapped them against me. I then pointed to where we were going and said that we going to the car and that the car was around the corner; All of which I am pretty sure they didn't understand, but at least I said it in a stern voice and helped me refocus on the goal as oppposed to focusing on containing them. I think that it helped focus them as well, since they both started walking in the right direction. One of them would get distracted and want to check out the newstand or something, but I kept talking to them and reminding them to "walk with Mommy" and encouraging them when they did a good job. I almost lost them when some people walked by and exclaimed the usual "are they twins?" comments, but I kept talking to them and just gave the people a nod. Ever since then, it's been all right. At least, to and from Gymboree. They still resist holding my hand most of them time.
My current problem is keeping one of them by the car while I take or put one of them in the carseat while the other one is waiting. One time, P stood by for a moment and then thought it would be fun to run around the parking lot! That was quite a fright! I used to keep the nonseated one in the minivan, but then she climbed over stuff (they are very adept at moving at this age) and I had a hard time trying to get her out since she thought that we were playing. A leash for that particular situation would be good, but not for all others.
You know that iconic twin symbol of a mother with two toddlers in each hand pulling the mother every which way? Well, that was me a few weeks ago. I was leaving Gymboree and trying to get them to walk with me back to the car. (They were early walkers). After a bit of a struggle (it was really quite comical to onlookers) I kneeled and trapped them against me. I then pointed to where we were going and said that we going to the car and that the car was around the corner; All of which I am pretty sure they didn't understand, but at least I said it in a stern voice and helped me refocus on the goal as oppposed to focusing on containing them. I think that it helped focus them as well, since they both started walking in the right direction. One of them would get distracted and want to check out the newstand or something, but I kept talking to them and reminding them to "walk with Mommy" and encouraging them when they did a good job. I almost lost them when some people walked by and exclaimed the usual "are they twins?" comments, but I kept talking to them and just gave the people a nod. Ever since then, it's been all right. At least, to and from Gymboree. They still resist holding my hand most of them time.
My current problem is keeping one of them by the car while I take or put one of them in the carseat while the other one is waiting. One time, P stood by for a moment and then thought it would be fun to run around the parking lot! That was quite a fright! I used to keep the nonseated one in the minivan, but then she climbed over stuff (they are very adept at moving at this age) and I had a hard time trying to get her out since she thought that we were playing. A leash for that particular situation would be good, but not for all others.
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